HOW TO DEFEND AGAINST DIFFICULT PEOPLE AT HOLIDAY GATHERINGS–(and still be kind!)
From The Wizard of Words.
Watch this video on YouTube ↗
"So, are you still seeing so-and-so?" Here's exactly what to say, without lying, without dodging, and without putting your private life on the table.
If you walk into the holidays already tired and drive home replaying every conversation, this one's for you. You'll get the Put-It-Aside Script for questions about your love life, health and money, three Fog Check questions that show you who's asking out of love and who isn't, navigational phrases and exit lines to steer any conversation, and marshalling: the one thing you do with your body that makes the words easy.
▶ Want to practice these until you don't have to think about them? Join my course, Never Defend Yourself Again:
https://www.danoconnortraining.com/never-defend-again
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THE PUT-IT-ASIDE SCRIPT
"Putting my ___ aside, here's what I've learned about ___. What I'm learning to recognize is ___. I'm gonna leave it there. What about you?"
Love: "Putting my love life aside, here's what I've learned about love. The more people look for it, the less it comes to them. The less they need it, the more it comes. I'm just gonna leave it there. How about you? What have you learned about love?"
Health: "Putting my own health aside, here's what I've learned about health: it gets harder every single year. What I'm learning to recognize is that staying on top of it is the key, and that's up to me. How about you?"
Money: "Putting my own money aside, here's what I've learned about money: no matter how much people make, it never seems to be enough. What I'm learning to recognize is that abundance isn't about how much we have. It's about what we do with it."
THE FOG CHECK
1. "How do you measure that?"
2. "What are you comparing that to?"
3. "Are you asking that for me, or for you?"
NAVIGATIONAL PHRASES & EXIT LINES
"I believe this conversation has taken an unfortunate turn. Let's back up and redirect."
"Let's stop here and change direction."
"I'm gonna leave that there and go see what Grandma's up to."
MARSHALLING
Let your body go first. Hands up, palms out on "let's back up." Point your whole body across the room on your exit line. The rest of you follows. Land low, and stop.
REMEMBER
Compose it now. Recite it then. Under pressure you can't compose, but you can recite.
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CHAPTERS
00:00 Flip the Love Life Question
00:21 Holiday Gathering Toolkit
01:03 The Put It Aside Script
02:24 Practice Recite Not Compose
03:21 Navigational Phrases and Exits
04:53 Why the Drive Home Hurts
05:35 Fog Check Intentions
06:44 Break the Cycle for Good
07:46 Course Plug and Final Pep Talk
━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
💬 Which question are you dreading this year? Put it in the comments, and when you see somebody else's, answer it with the Put-It-Aside Script. We're an alliance lifting each other up and out.
🤝 Support this work and keep these videos free: hit JOIN on the channel
https://www.youtube.com/@TheWizardOfWords/join
WATCH NEXT
Never Defend Yourself. Say This Instead: https://youtu.be/ZYPM9D3iLWc
Why Some People Are Magnetic (It's Not Charisma): https://youtu.be/G2HqdQNqagM
ABOUT
I'm Dan O'Connor, The Wizard of Words. For 30+ years I've trained people in psychological and tactical communication: what to say when it matters most, at work and at home. Communication skills training, exact scripts, no fluff.
Subscribe: https://www.youtube.com/@TheWizardOfWords
More: https://www.danoconnortraining.com
There's nothing you have to say that you can't say in a loving way.
#communicationskills #holidays #familyboundaries #whattosay #wizardofwords
If you walk into the holidays already tired and drive home replaying every conversation, this one's for you. You'll get the Put-It-Aside Script for questions about your love life, health and money, three Fog Check questions that show you who's asking out of love and who isn't, navigational phrases and exit lines to steer any conversation, and marshalling: the one thing you do with your body that makes the words easy.
▶ Want to practice these until you don't have to think about them? Join my course, Never Defend Yourself Again:
https://www.danoconnortraining.com/never-defend-again
━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
THE PUT-IT-ASIDE SCRIPT
"Putting my ___ aside, here's what I've learned about ___. What I'm learning to recognize is ___. I'm gonna leave it there. What about you?"
Love: "Putting my love life aside, here's what I've learned about love. The more people look for it, the less it comes to them. The less they need it, the more it comes. I'm just gonna leave it there. How about you? What have you learned about love?"
Health: "Putting my own health aside, here's what I've learned about health: it gets harder every single year. What I'm learning to recognize is that staying on top of it is the key, and that's up to me. How about you?"
Money: "Putting my own money aside, here's what I've learned about money: no matter how much people make, it never seems to be enough. What I'm learning to recognize is that abundance isn't about how much we have. It's about what we do with it."
THE FOG CHECK
1. "How do you measure that?"
2. "What are you comparing that to?"
3. "Are you asking that for me, or for you?"
NAVIGATIONAL PHRASES & EXIT LINES
"I believe this conversation has taken an unfortunate turn. Let's back up and redirect."
"Let's stop here and change direction."
"I'm gonna leave that there and go see what Grandma's up to."
MARSHALLING
Let your body go first. Hands up, palms out on "let's back up." Point your whole body across the room on your exit line. The rest of you follows. Land low, and stop.
REMEMBER
Compose it now. Recite it then. Under pressure you can't compose, but you can recite.
━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
CHAPTERS
00:00 Flip the Love Life Question
00:21 Holiday Gathering Toolkit
01:03 The Put It Aside Script
02:24 Practice Recite Not Compose
03:21 Navigational Phrases and Exits
04:53 Why the Drive Home Hurts
05:35 Fog Check Intentions
06:44 Break the Cycle for Good
07:46 Course Plug and Final Pep Talk
━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
💬 Which question are you dreading this year? Put it in the comments, and when you see somebody else's, answer it with the Put-It-Aside Script. We're an alliance lifting each other up and out.
🤝 Support this work and keep these videos free: hit JOIN on the channel
https://www.youtube.com/@TheWizardOfWords/join
WATCH NEXT
Never Defend Yourself. Say This Instead: https://youtu.be/ZYPM9D3iLWc
Why Some People Are Magnetic (It's Not Charisma): https://youtu.be/G2HqdQNqagM
ABOUT
I'm Dan O'Connor, The Wizard of Words. For 30+ years I've trained people in psychological and tactical communication: what to say when it matters most, at work and at home. Communication skills training, exact scripts, no fluff.
Subscribe: https://www.youtube.com/@TheWizardOfWords
More: https://www.danoconnortraining.com
There's nothing you have to say that you can't say in a loving way.
#communicationskills #holidays #familyboundaries #whattosay #wizardofwords
